Category Archives: Stupid Church Tricks

they’ll know we are Christians by our love…

Cps_myn68_200408153016_photo00_phot Seems that the Armenians and the Greeks are at it again.

This time in a palm frond free-for-all at Jerusalem Church of the Holy Sepulchre.

The two most interesting things in the story (other than the "beating police officers with palm fronds" part) were…

  • "Brawls are not uncommon at the church" – nice guys, real nice…
  • "Precisely in order to prevent such disturbances, two Muslim families have been entrusted for the past 800 years with opening and closing the gates of the church."

So if I am reading this correctly, because the two Christian groups cannot get along they get the Muslims to keep the peace. Somehow, that strikes me as a bit odd.

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you know you’re in trouble when the Palestinians are the peacemakers…

Seems that the Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests turned the Nativity of Jesus into "Not a Silent Night". Turns out the each have their own section of the Nativity Shrine and when one Orthodox stepped into the Armenian section, we had a High Priest Cage Match…

Then the Palestinian police got the priests to put down their rocks and brooms…

I can just hear one of the priests…"you take one step closer to this side and I’ll give you a holy swooshing the likes of which you have never seen."

C’mon boys…there is plenty of Jesus to go around.

Stupid Church Tricks – taken to a whole new level

Seems that Bishop Tiny Muskens, a Roman Catholic bishop in Amsterdam, thinks it would be a good idea to start calling God "Allah."

"Allah is a very beautiful word for God. Shouldn’t we all say that from now on we will name God Allah? … What does God care what we call him? It is our problem."

What could possibly go wrong?

“They’ll know we are Christians by our love…and by our having the locksmith on speed-dial.”

Some of our Christian brethren up in Nashville had a "ruckus" that lead to a "near-riot."

Bryant (the pastor) called a meeting Saturday and the congregation gathered hoping to discuss the allegations. But a written agenda he provided did not include the concerns raised by members and congregants stopped the meeting and told him he could not officiate since he was no longer acting pastor.

Bryant refused to step down, Means said, and a member called police, who asked Bryant to leave.

Means and other members said today’s Sunday morning services were in jeopardy. After asking the pastor to step aside, the church had the locks changed but Bryant changed them again and is now the only individual with a key, Means said.

They’ll know we are Christians by our love…and by our having the locksmith on speed-dial.

Inflatable Church

Church9z7 I have been to many churches where the pastor is full of hot air, but I have never been to a service held in an inflatable church, where the building itself is full of air.

The atheist’s nightmare is a banana

1_330_2This is the kind of stuff that makes me shudder. The banana is the atheist’s nightmare….? Sheesh…

What does that make the chicken? The atheists sweet dream?

(ht:Steve McCoy)

The times they are a changin’

So these guys are offering post-abortion "sympathy cards" to "honor and acknowledge someone’s experience" and this Episcopal minister has decided that he is going to boycott doing STRAIGHT marriages.

Well at least O.J’s book is coming out…that ought to lighten things up a little bit.

Ten Bucks to see Joel Osteen “LIVE”

is it just me, or is it a little creepy that Joel Osteen is charging $10.50 to see him?

Of course the upside – as noted in the email announcement – is that

"At the end of the event, Joel will proclaim a special blessing over everyone in attendance so be sure to stay to the very end."

So if you go, at least you got that going for you…

An evening with 
Joel Osteen

Friday, May 18, 2007; 7:30pm

Gaylord

Entertainment

Center

Ticket Price
$10.50

On

Sale


Saturday, February 17, 2007 @ 10:00 am

Find Tickets

*Tickets purchased through Ticketmaster are subject to additional service charges.

“if I look decent, I preach better”

Offering_plateHmmm…there are so many things in this story about the pastor and his issues with the IRS…but to me the two priceless quotes from Brother Hammond are about his clothing

"He said he buys expensive clothes because "if I look decent, I preach better, so I’m really doing it for you, amen"

Oh…you’re buying all your fancy clothes for ME, well that is different.

And then he also talks about money

"It takes wealth, folks, to establish God’s covenant on this Earth. You and I will never get so spiritual that we don’t need money to get more influential in the world we’re in."

I guess where Jesus said, "seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you…" pales in comparison to "seek first the Benjamin’s and then and only then will all these things be added unto you…"

Sheesh…

well, i guess it’s better than selling your soul…

So, this pastor sold his church. Without telling the church. I can see why they would be mad.

(but I guess selling your church is not as bad as selling your soul…)