I do not like food that explodes in my mouth.

 I have a very simple rule when it comes to food.

I do not like, and will not eat, food that explodes in my mouth.

What, you ask, is food that explodes in your mouth?

Easy.

Any food that when chewed dramatically changes shape or form with the first chomp or squishing between teeth is a “food that explodes in your mouth.” Yes, I know that all food changes form and shape when getting chewed, but this change should naturally happen over the course of a few chews, not in the first explosive chomp.

I am not sure if it is the texture or the change or the “hey, here’s another texture or taste you did not expect” surprise that causes this issue for me, but whatever it is I DO NOT LIKE IT.

The key offenders in this category are peas and those little tomatoes. Ever since I ate my first pea in a $.29 pot pie in the third grade, I have had an issue with exploding food.

Just the mention of both of these in the same sentence gives me a nervous chill into my scalp and a bit of throw up in my mouth nausea. And it just dawned on me, but if I were to ever somehow get both a pea and tomato in the same bite, I am pretty sure I would end up hospitalized. Or explode myself.

So if you ever see me anywhere near a pea or a tomato, please in the interest of public, take them and smash them into a million tiny pieces. Then you can shove them in my mouth.

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Posted on February 12, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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