Atwood’s First Picture Taking Postulate

I have come to dread Saturdays. It used to be, even when the girls were younger, that these were the lazy days of the week. Now with soccer games, softball games, birthday parties, and the other assorted stuff of life, it dawned on me that these once-blessed days are now the busiest days of the week.

And so I as I sat in my little “folding chair that sticks in a bag,” the one that has a permanent home in the back of the car, last Saturday and watched all the dad’s with their feature film quality video cameras capturing every moment of every game for posterity, I realized that I had not taken ONE single picture or frame of video this entire soccer season.  Back a few years ago, when they were just staring to play, I would come to all the games with camera, video camera, sometimes a tripod, backup battery, etc to insure that every second was frozen forever in time.

Now, it’s…nothing. Which led me to think that there must be a mathematical explanation for the amount of pictures/video taken of certain activities at a certain point in time. Basically I was looking for an excuse for my becoming a non-picture-taking-slacker-Dad.

And after considerable consideration and consternation, I have come up with “Atwood’s First (and probably last) Postulate on the Prevalence of Picture Taking at Events Where Most Loving Parents Are Taking Zillions of Shots and The Best I Can Do is a Lame Phone Camera Shot.”

Therefore, here is the equation:

X= (A/ S) – (F/Y x P/V) + N/B

I was not terribly good at algebra in eighth (and sadly again in ninth) grade, so I needed to make a little key to help me remember what all the variables are:

X – The sum total number of minutes and/or pictures

A – Age of children

S – # of games in season

F – # of kids with significant food allergies or religious food requirements on team

Y – #of times required to be “snack mom or dad”

P – # of pictures taken in previous seasons that have never made it off the little disc thing in the camera

V – # of minutes of video shot over previous seasons that has never been seen – including the game winning goal in the final game of the season in “little [INSERT NAME OF CHILD HERE] first season, but it’s not really ‘game-winning goal’ because we don’t keep score in this league do we…?”

N – Number of children in family

B – Birth order of child in question

The only problem is that in going through the equation, the number always ends up zero. So I guess I better grab the camera and stick it with the little “folding chair that sticks in a bag,” and put it in the back of the car.

Cause I never want to have to answer the question from one of my (way, way way….) in the future grandchildren, “Grandpa, did you ever go to my mommy’s games when she played soccer? Cause there are no pictures of it?”



Posted on September 28, 2011, in Dad stuff and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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