Bend it like Atwood
Tonight I make my coaching debut.
Not sure that I will get the fanfare that Mike Munchak got when he started. No press conference. No Twitter feed. No anything really.
Cause tonight I am co-coaching a practice for 12-year-old girls soccer.
And to be frank, the only reason I am “coaching” is because the real coach has a flight that will get him in after time for practice. It is not because of my great experience, understanding, or even appreciation of the game of soccer.
Let’s be clear here, I know essentially nothing about soccer.
Other than they have a ball, two goals, and it is against the rules to tackle. My key responsibility at the practice tonight is to make sure that none of the girls get carried off by a grizzly bear. Anything beyond that is a bonus.
With that in mind, here a rundown of what I plan to do at practice:
- Drive to the park
- Walk to the field
- Open the bag with all the soccer balls and other key soccer-related paraphernalia
- Toss the balls on the field
- Twirl the whistle (I do get a whistle don’t I?)
- Tell the girls “Put it in the goal.”
- Shout encouraging things like “Hey, that was a good soccer kick.”
- Say to the other fill-in coach dad “Looks like (insert name here) is really in the zone tonight huh?”
- Diagram a play on the white board. (Does anyone know how many players we have, feels like that would be key information when I am pulling out the trusty dry erase marker?)
- Plan a trick play for the Saturday morning game. As a surprise gift to the real coach. I was thinking about a play that involved water pistols and shaving cream. Does anyone know if that is against the rules?
- And then, my main responsibility is simply this. Make sure that someone will be bringing snack to the game.