The day we almost didn’t get married. (or, how a piece of china almost derailed my future…)

I am a very casual guy. Sometimes prone to color a bit outside the lines or look at things just a little bit differently than others.

Many times this good as it promotes creativity or a sense of independence or unleashes entrepreneurial thoughts.

Other times it is bad. Like when it almost caused me to not get married to The Beautiful Bride.

Amazing how the smallest things can be a problem.

In this case the “small thing” was (as it was described to me) was a cereal bowl. But seriously, look at it. Is that really a cereal bowl?

But I am getting ahead of myself here, let’s rewind to the beginning of the (nearly)end.

Just as poor couple have, since the beginning of time, The Beautiful Bride and I “registered” for wedding gifts. Let’s be honest here, “registering” is just a fancy word for “we have nearly nothing so please give us some stuff.”

Which is OK. I am NOT against registering. Back then I was a huge fan of it. The problem was I did not really understand all the protocol involved with this activity.

Especially as it related to registering for China.

Especially as it related to registering for China at a fancy department store.

Especially as it related to registering for China at a fancy department store where an uptight granny (let’s call her Mrs. Hairupinatightbun) who saw it as her responsibility in life that every blushing bride in middle-Tennessee have the most amazing “experience”  while registering for the holy grail of registration items, FORMAL CHINA! (Because FORMAL CHINA! is something that you use everyday and will be the centerpiece, yea verily the anchor of your entire marriage…yeah…)

But I digress, so there we were, The Beautiful Bride, me, and Mrs. Hairupinatightbun surrounded by a thousand pieces of china, a million fancy salad forks, and cases and cases of glass stemware that were allegedly all different, yet somehow all looked the same.

Like glass.

Mrs. Hairupinatightbun began to show us lots of different china looking things. The Beautiful Bride was enthralled.

They began to talk about daily use, and formal use, and the numbers of place setting, etc, etc, etc…

And they said “what do you think?”

(Please understand, this is before I learned the code, which means, I am not to say anything, suggest anything, question anything when it comes to the “china registry”)

And so when Mrs. Hairupinatightbun asked if I “thought” anything I said “yes.”

If there are any young bridegrooms out there reading this, please heed my advice, if you are EVER asked if you have an opinion about china or other such delicacies, you have two options 1) say nothing; 2) pretend you have a heart attack and say nothing. Both are equally acceptable.

I was not aware of such good choices, so I said something.

Actually two things.

The first was that I did not really see the need for all this “china” stuff. I was completely happy with a kitchen filled with just large plastic stadium tumblers and giant bowls. Big enough for the two food groups: ice cream and cereal.

And then I proceeded to take the teeny-tiny “alleged cereal bowl” and put it on my head and said “this looks more like a hat than a cereal bowl.”

Yes, yes I did do that…

At which point Mrs. Hairupinatightbun gave The Beautiful Bride a look which not too subtly said, “It’s not too late honey. Run while you still can.”

But she didn’t.

I not sure exactly why not.

But I learned an important lesson that day.

It is often much smarter to not put a piece of china on your head than to put a piece of china on your head.

That is something that has been a centerpiece of my life philosophy, and has served me very well for the past 20 years.

(I have also learned that it is ok to re-fill a small “alleged cereal bowl” about six times. The trade-offs are well worth it…)

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Posted on September 19, 2011, in Dad stuff, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Jeff, thanks for posting pieces of your life. Your stories bring a smile to my day.

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