Driving under the influence of a poodle
I think we need to have a new law designed to improve public safety.
We need to immediately enact a law to cut down on "DUI-P."
DUI-P is "Driving under the influence of a poodle." I did not become completely aware of this acute problem until last week when I was substitute car-pooling for The Beautiful Bride.
As I dropped the girls off at school I noticed car after car where the lap of the driver was covered in in fur. How can a person safely operate a car in a school zone with a pile of poodle in their laps?
And from my very quick observations is seems that there is a direct inverse correlation between the size of car and the size of the dog hanging out the drivers side window. If a car-pooling momma is sporting a minivan, she may have a moderate sized pooch; if the car is up-sized to a big ol’ Lexus or Hummer, the dog becomes the size of a rat with a jacked-up Ogilvy home perm.
Regardless of size, I think we have a national epidemic on our hands with the preponderance of people DUI-P. This issue only escalates when you add in factors like phones and coffee cups.
I can only imagine the lurking disaster when the combination of the busy-ness of the school drop off line plus an extra-hot double double latte (EXTRA SKINNY) and a cell phone call to finalize the tennis match is interrupted by a pint-sized poodle trying to scurry out the car window of super-sized SUV.
Keep out streets safe, leave the poodles at home for the few minutes it takes to run to school. They’ll be fine.
Stop the insanity, let’s wipe out DUI-P today.